Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Randomize
