So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Keanu Reeves Photobombed A Couple’s Wedding Photos As A Perfect Gift
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
29 Married People Share What They Used To Find Cute About Their SO—But Now Find Infuriating
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
