So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I need to sanitize my soul.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Randomize
