Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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