All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Randomize
