I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
