Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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