I showed him my bush... on skype.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
