so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
