if you like me you must not know who I am
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Randomize
