Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
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