Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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