it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
