I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
