he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Randomize
