someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
