He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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