Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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