Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
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