Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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