Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Randomize
