the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Randomize
