Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Randomize
