I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
we're making bets on your personal life
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
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