We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Randomize
