Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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