Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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