Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
