Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
