please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize