Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
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