Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
