I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
