I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Randomize
