I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
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