I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize
