You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
