I would go down on you faster than GM stock
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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