i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
