summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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