i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
i would punch a child for taco bell
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
