I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
