I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
