This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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