I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Randomize
