ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
