...so i touched it.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
She's the barista slut.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
