Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Be still, my beating vagina.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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