I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Ladies don't puke and tell
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
