So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
