there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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