Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
