D3 body, D1 cock
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
All I want is dick and wine.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
