Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
