by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
