So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
where are my pants?
in the oven.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
