Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Randomize
