Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
