Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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