i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
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He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
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But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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