i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
