I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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