I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Randomize
