12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
