Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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