I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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