we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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