i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Randomize
