do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Randomize
