ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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