the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I would ride that face into the sunset
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
