Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Randomize
