I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
