My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
