well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
