shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
