kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Randomize
