my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
